Owning crazy

    I sit here at the end of a very interesting day. That's definitely not an uncommon description considering the house I live in and the drama that continually surrounds me. Interesting is inevitable and to be honest, actually positive, or at least ending positive.
  Home schooling a sweet little boy that happens to be just as stubborn and enthusiastic about his beliefs as I am, has proven to have moments of immense difficulty. Most days we have the best of times, on days like yesterday and today, it's painful, sheer torture. So, there's that, combined with the fact that we have been all cooped up in the house for almost two whole weeks now. One person after another in the Libby home getting struck down with whatever evil virus is floating around Salem this month. All of the above has left me worn a little thin the last few days. I have felt like I am at the brink of an ugly cry....Oh wait...that did happen today...in front of my son... completely not on purpose, but also a very awkward and yet productive way to get some amazing results in behavior modification. :)
     As I opened up the Word in the two short minutes I had in between sick Hope, needy Sunday and home school Elijah.... and my own emotional irrationality... God gave me these sweet words to cling to and guidelines to follow as I tried to keep up with all today had in store for me...

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it's own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong doing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 I read it, was encouraged by it, inspired by it, and made Elijah memorize it! Hide it in your heart boy!

     And for those trials that seem to be going on far longer than you ever thought they would, the ones that weigh on your heart at night and bring tears to your eyes if you allow yourself to think about it for a second longer then you can bear, here is what the Lord God Almighty says about that. "Stand firm in your faith...and after you have suffered a little while the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:9a-10. Only God knows how long that little while will be, but all the little fires you faced today....or the big one that keeps rearing its face at you, this too shall pass. Stand firm, keep throwing yourself at His feet, keep trusting, keep pressing in, keep pressing on - Christ himself is coming, at the perfectly appointed moment in time, to restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you....until then - love; bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. Love never fails.

    As for my day, despite all the craziness I would say it was definitely full of more good moments than bad ones. And for that I am grateful. Here's to taking one day at a time and rocking whatever life brings you. Lucky for me, I look good in crazy.

BRAVE

   

    Today makes 21 years since my sister lost her fight to Leukemia. She fought hard, honestly did her best at everything life gave her and loved everyone she met deeply, which left an imprint on many hearts.

    I love to remember her for how she lived, not for how she died. And that's not hard to do at all. She made it easy. She was a beauty, inside and out. She had bright sparkling blue eyes, long and wavy golden blonde hair and a smile that melted hearts. She was always thoughtful of others, gentle, and  very compassionate even as a young child. Sarah Marlene was truly delightful in every way. Always generously giving affection and love to the people around her. I am SO proud that she was my sister and so thankful for the many things I learned from her about being loving, thoughtful, strong and brave.

   I was two years older then Sarah. I teased her endlessly, fought over toys, friends and attention. But at the end of the day we climbed into our bunk bed  I would swing down from the top bunk and hanging there upside down we would have quiet conversations about our days, our friends, school, boys and our adventurous plans for the next day. I was always scared at night and would keep her up as long as I could so that i wouldn't feel so alone in the dark.

   For years, truly years, after she died there was so much guilt weighing on my shoulders that I could hardly even bare it. We were both so young when she was diagnosed with cancer, went through years of treatment, months in the hospital, the loss of her beautiful hair and any weight she had to spare. Now, looking back I see that I couldn't process it all at that time, I was too young, I didn't know how to handle or face the truth about what was happening to our family. I never stopped treating her the way every older sister treats their little sister....but then when reality set in, when I knew she was gone, I was filled with so much regret...I couldn't think about the great times shared together without the weight of all the insensitive, heartless and hurtful things I had said or done crowding in and taking over my thoughts. I cried for years over the things I could never take back or even apologize for. I always hated myself for not being a better sister.

My two little best buds. Hope and Lily. 

      But God is SO good. And this is not a story of a bitter soul. It's a story of God's goodness and grace. God in all His perfect wisdom knew that the weight of that burden, the one I refused to let go of with all my might, was too much for me to bear. He gave me my own little Rachel and Sarah. This gift of raising sisters, one just like me, one just like my sister has been a gift my heart treasures. It has brought me peace like nothing else could have. I get to see on a daily basis that Hope loves Lily, Lily loves Hope and at the end of the day no matter what has happened they are sisters. The bond between them has never changed despite sisterly quarrels and differences. At the end of every day there is a deep love that binds them. Seeing that every day has enabled me to give myself some grace and forgiveness. Getting to see them grow up together has been beautiful and priceless.

       Knowing and loving my sister, walking through life with her and seeing how short, fragile and valuable every day we are given is, has changed me forever. I know the deep pain of loss, so I can love and grieve alongside others who are grieving. I know how precious life is, so I hold my kids a little longer every chance I get, we dance, we laugh, we live...and when we fight or have a bad day - I teach them about GRACE. Watching Sarah live joyfully and fiercely in the battle for her life, equipped me to live the same way when I was losing my own daughter... but Lily's story had a different ending and every day of life with her since then has been a gift, one that I will never take for granted. Sarah taught me to love others despite your own pain and situation. That example of continually looking outside yourself to the needs of others has helped me immensely in ministry and life in general. Even though her life was short it taught me some of life's greatest lessons.

    My days are numbered, so are yours. Make this day count. Tell the people you love, just how much they mean to you. Love unconditionally, forgive quickly, don't be to proud to say you are sorry. Extend grace freely and lavish love. It's not about how many days you are given, it's about how you spend them.

     I have many sweet memories stored of swinging in the back yard, red light green light, chasing and riding our sheep, running circles through our first house in Brazil, late night talks, tape recording ourselves singing songs and cuddled up with TV trays watching Saturday morning cartoons with our bowls of cereal. I can never get those years back, but seeing the life Sarah lived and knowing that she ended it reaching her arms out to Jesus with her last breath... That gives me hope for the future\, when I will see her beautiful face again and nothing, not even death will ever separate us.

    Sarah, your beautiful life on this earth will never be forgotten. Thank you for all the love you poured out on me. Thank you for teaching me what true courage and bravery is. I can't wait to see your face, hold you tight and twirl with you again.

   

       

The Nightingale curse

      If you were to ask me how my day was today, I would probably start laughing hysterically and give you a huge hug. I would laugh, because my day began with me getting puked on by my sweet little Sunday in my very own, comfy, soft, safe, beautiful bed....and didn't get much better from there on out. And I would hug you, because I just can't help it sometimes. I know that it may make you feel a little awkward,  but wouldn't it make you feel a little loved too?

      So my day has been full of beautiful children laying in the living room and family room with high fevers, blankies and armed with Tupperware bowls. At about two this afternoon, I was feeling like life couldn't get any better. Sunday and I were snuggled up together on my lovely suede couch in the family room, all bundled up, surrounded by pillows and watching the Micky mouse club house. I can't even tell you how much I love those precious moments when my kids still need me, and also want me to be as close as possible to them. There is nothing in this world as beautiful and satisfying for a mother. Sunday sat up for a moment and took a drink from her sippy cup. As quick as it went in, it came spewing out all over me, all over our blankets, all over my suede couch....Elijah quickly brought me a towel, with which I caught the rest of the abundance flowing from her mouth. I quickly carried her to the bath and got her all settled. I came back into the family room to clean it all up, when Lils sits up, puts her hand on her hip and says "So, I guess I have a pretty good idea of what Sunday's throw up looks like now!".

     I feel like if I had any reason at all to have a bad day, this would be it, but you know what? It has been a really really great day! My house is not clean, my laundry is plied up, my kids are sick and I am hobbling around in immense pain....due to a minor sledding incident, which ended with a broken sled, injured tailbone and twisted knee on my BIRTHDAY! Don't you worry, the rock we hit is fine. I swear these things only happen to me! Just to prove that there is a Nightingale curse lurking around somewhere... I fell down the stairs last night. Yep, didn't have my contacts in, missed a step and... Wallah!!!  Rachel, sprawled out on the tile in our entry way at midnight. Brilliant. Guess what I managed to break the fall with? My tailbone and already twisted knee. Keep in mind, this is all just hours before waking up to throw up...in my bed!

      In case you are thinking that I am being overly dramatic by claiming that there is some sort of "Nightingale curse" let me assure you, these things happen to my family! Sequences of crazy events, illnesses, you name it, if it never happens to anyone else, it happens to the Nightingales.  Maybe that's why after a day like today, I can sit back and laugh at the days events and THANK the Lord God Almighty that we are all alive, healthyish, happy, together, blessed and have leftovers from the meal my sister brought us yesterday in the fridge for dinner!


        I have never understood the second half of Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." I love the Proverbs 31 woman, so beautiful, efficient, strong, loving, capable and dignified. One day I hope to be just like her. Every time I read that verse I wondered why she was laughing. It probably didn't help that the picture I have always had in my head of her laughing was a little creepy, I have an overactive imagination sometimes. However, today God gave me some insight on that verse. She can laugh at the days to come because she knows where she belongs, what she was made for, she knows God is providing and protecting her family and she has everything that is most important to her under her roof.  She is laughing because she is thankful for all she has, confident in the Lord's plan for her life. Today I sit here, laughing at the craziness of my day, thankful for all the beauty that surrounds me and confident that no matter what tomorrow looks like God still has the Libby family in the palm of His hand and we all get to spend tomorrow under this roof. Knowing all of that truth frees me. Today I choose Joy.

     

From now til 2022

    On January 15th I turned 31. Ask me anywhere else and I am still 28. Leading up to my birthday I started thinking about how I haven't accomplished some of my life goals yet. How life is quickly passing me by and if I don't get started on them now, I may never get them done! What if I never accomplish my life goals?!! Fail.

   I  quickly tried to figure out how I could do all the things I had on my agenda AND all the things that are already on my plate. As reality set in I circled lower and lower into the pit. My emotions rose to the surface as I realized that I can not handle any more than what is already on my plate. If I did add anything else to my plate I would be doing a disservice to the great things the Lord has already given me... sigh. Ask my poor husband and my dear friend Mary, I was a hot mess. Tears at the drop of a hat! Somehow in my mind, the things that I wanted to do with my life had become more important than the tasks that God has given me now, in this season.

     Mary sweetly suggested that I make a list of 5 things that I want to do this year. I sat at the table with a blank notebook in front of me and pen in hand.....for....ever. I jotted down a couple of things and moved onto something else. Then again, at my party last night Mary asked me what 5 things I wanted to do this year. I him hawed and then threw out a couple of things I have always dreamed of doing and then moved on to something else.

      Last night, after the house was empty and I had some quiet time to myself the Lord's still small voice gently spoke to my heart. I had plenty of grand plans for this year and this decade of my life, but when it came down to it, I couldn't write them down. They didn't line up with God's plan for me. I needed to get in step with Him and His desire for me.

       So this morning once again I sat down at the table with a fresh page, pen in hand and Bible open. God brought these two verses back to my mind from womens retreat last year.

Isaiah 58:11
"And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give you strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." 

   As I read that verse I prayed that the Lord would guide me, open my eyes to what He desires for me. I prayed that He would satisfy the desires that once gave me life and joy but now are just mundane tasks that are honestly burning me out. I prayed that He would give me strength to do what He has called me to do, and that He would continually flow from me, never failing, always providing all I needed this year...this decade...always.

     Then I turned to Jeremiah 17:7-8 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For He will be like a tree planted by the water that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit." 

    As I read that verse i knew that was going to be my verse this year. Above all, I want to trust in the Lord, have good, healthy roots and never cease to bear fruit... My goals, dreams and expectations will never come back empty when I am pursuing God's plan for my life. With that in mind my 5, actually 6 goals came flowing out.

     I looked at my life today and thought about where I was going to be at the end of the decade. That changed my perspective completely  These next years are the only years that all of my kids are going to be in the house. If this decade was a chapter in my book of life, it would be about all our adventures together as a family. I wouldn't want it to be about anything else. So, my list of goals is not just for this year. These are the goals I have for my 30's.

1. Never stop growing. Strive to know more, apply more, and continually press forward. Shredding all that hinders me from being who God wants me to be. Pressing into Him, knowing Him and understanding His Word in a way that transforms my heart, my mind, my character and my life.

2. Raise my kids to love, honor and desire to obey the Lord. I want to spend these years that I have them all in my house providing a safe, loving, godly, fun haven where they can grow and thrive.

3. Use my gift, abilities and passions to support my husband in ministry and teach my children compassion. I want to prayerfully and thoughtfully walk in the way the Lord directs me as I encourage and support missionaries and ministries to orphans and foster children.

4. Go on a missions trip to Africa (this has been a life long dream!)

5. Go on a missions trip as a family

6. Go on one grand vacation either back to Europe or somewhere tropical.


May my life, even my 30's, bring God glory and honor.

Thank you for the inspiration +Mary Dorough. I lush you!!!

Fiery Chariots

2 Kings 6:15-17

New International Version (NIV)

^"15 When the servant of the man of God got up and went out early the next morning, an army with horses and chariots had surrounded the city. “Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” the servant asked.
¹⁶ “Don’t be afraid,” the prophet answered. “Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”
¹⁷ And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha."

   Have you ever woken up, rolled out of bed and come face to face with your greatest fear, burden, trial or worry? Defeat sets in. This battle is too much for me, it's impossible! How can I overcome? I am out numbered, I am surrounded. What am I going to do?

    There have certainly been a few times that I have surveyed the hills of my life and been filled with fear. I have sized up my trial, and cried out "God, What am I gonna do?" 

    I love the passage above, absolutely love it! When it looks like the odds are not in my favor, that's when God moves mountains, holds the sun in place, opens up the red sea and in this case surrounds Elisha with chariots of fire! What could bring a person more courage, more peace, more security more confidence in battle then being surrounded by fiery agents of God? Absolutely nothing. 

    When the enemy is pressing in, ready to attack, surrounding you; before you let fear take hold in your heart, cry out to God...

 - Open my eyes, so that I can see the greatness of all that you are. 
- Open my eyes, so that I can see where you are in this trial. 
- Open my eyes, so that I can see what you are doing in the midst of my pain, worry and fear. 
- Open my eyes so that I can see that you are at work all around me. - Open my eyes so that I can see that you are all I truly need. 
- Open my eyes so that I can rest secure in your refuge, under your wing, as the apple of your eye and in the shelter of the Most High.

As I pray, my attention shifts from myself and focuses on the power and might and wonder of my Almighty God. I look up. In doing so, my eyes are opened and I see that God is at work. He is always at work. 

      The beautiful truth that I can bask in every single day, the truth that God has proven over and over again, is that He is the Great I AM, the God of the impossible. He is a great, mighty, strong, powerful, miracle worker. He is sovereign, ever present and victorious. He is the God that has the power and ability to surround any situation I face with chariots of fire.

     Just take a minute to let the truth of who God is resonate with your soul and saturate every feeling, circumstance, fear or worry that you are facing in this season. 

    He is able. All the battles, trials, fears, burdens and worries that surround us in our lives are securely resting in His control, under His sovereignty and I choose to trust Him - God of the impossible. 

Wisdom

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

 After my sister passed away , my family traveled all around the US and Canada before returning back to the mission field in Brazil.  My dad chose to speak on the 1st chapter of James as we went from church to church for months. Needless to say, I had the passage memorized. It never got old to me though, I have always loved and treasured the book. I am a black and white kind of person so James and I get along great. I love and admire His honesty and straightforwardness. He speaks my language.
    I had to memorize the entire book of James, in the King James version, for Bible Class in the eighth grade. I didn't love that version so much, but it did continually deepen my love for the book - it's full of so much practical truth. I have always loved James 1:5, but for years I was reading it the wrong way -to be honest, it used to terrify me a little when I was growing up.  I thought that the Lord would only hear my prayers for wisdom IF He found no fault in me...and it's impossible to be faultless! So, it would always stress me out. I would continually wonder if He would answer my cries for wisdom, if I met the standard and if I was even being heard - but I always knew how desperately I needed His wisdom, so I carried on clinging to the verse believing that if I was good enough and forgiven that God would give me the stamp of approval and wisdom I was asking for.
     My sweet Pastor's wife, Denise, was giving a devotional on James 1:5 last year at our precious pastor's wives lunch. The way she read the passage changed my view completely! It took all the fear out of it and filled it up with an amazing unconditional love and grace. I saw it with fresh eyes, God gives wisdom to us generously WITHOUT finding fault. That's it. He doesn't find fault in those who believe  because we are covered, hidden in Christ, surrounded by Him, clothed in Him - Jesus is what God sees when He looks at me. He delights in generously giving wisdom to me, it's not conditional, it's a promise to those who believe. Beautiful.

     In light of my new found LOVE of this promise, this is what I am asking God for today...

-Wisdom as I love, teach and discipline my kids - because I don't always know the best way, but you know exactly what they need.
-Wisdom as I council others - because your ways are perfect and always best, your truth is what changes hearts and lives, may that be what flows from me.
-Wisdom in how to spend my time - because I want to be a good steward of every minute you give me, it's a gift. Help me to be heavenly minded.
-Wisdom in how I use the energy You have given me - because I have about a million different things to spend it on, and I want to invest it in what matters to You. Help me discern what your priorities are for this day.
-Wisdom in how to respond in a gentle and godly way to the trials that I face - because you know that I sometimes over react, lash out or respond with my emotions instead of your wisdom. However, I want to respond in every way to everything with your wisdom.

"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." 
James 3:17

Miraculous love

    A few years ago I went to a Beth Moore conference in Portland. I love that woman. She doesn't know it yet, but we are best friends. I have a picture from the night conference. She was four feet away from me and if she wasn't in the middle of speaking profound words of truth in that moment I would have gone ballistic screaming her name and waving profusely until she knew that I was her biggest fan, best friend, kindred spirit....yes, I love her.

    Anyway...she said something that has left an imprint on my heart. Beth said that we have the power to love miraculously, completely beyond ourselves because we have the love and power of Jesus alive in us. I have known that for years, but somehow those words fell upon my heart in a fresh and new way. 

    Ever since then I have prayed that the Lord would help me love beyond myself, love like He loves - selflessly, humbly, powerfully, purposefully, a love that covers a multitude of sins, a love that bears with others, forgives completely, a love that believes the best in others, a love that doesn't hold a grudge, a love that isn't easily offended, a love that puts others first, a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.... the same kind of love that stepped into this dark world and changed it forever. That is the kind of love that we have access to with Jesus alive and living. That is the kind of love we can share generously and freely with the Holy Spirit working in our lives producing fruit beyond what we are capable of and despite our human inadequacies. This is the love that continues to change the world because it is miraculous, unlike anything else, it's supernatural, it's God's love.

   Don't hold back your love today, give it freely. It will change you and that's just the beginning.

Thankful Thursday

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."

Colossians 3:15 

   Every day we all have a choice. Our thoughts, actions and attitudes govern our day, what are you going to choose today. I choose gratitude. I have so much to be thankful for! 

   

This morning I woke up to a bright big smile of perfect tiny teeth, brown sparkling eyes and a little raspy voice saying beautiful sweet things like "Mama I lush you lips." as she wrapped one tiny arm around me and pulled the blankets up to her chin with her free hand. I am so thankful that my day started full of kisses and a half an hour of funny and precious conversation with my 2 year old. She has an abundance of wisdom and joy to share. 

    Every time I leave the house I have four little people rushing from all corners of the house to give me an abundance of hugs and kisses before I leave....doesn't matter if I am just running to the store for 5 minutes or out for the evening, this is how the children send me off. As the door closes behind me and I walk to the car I hear the front window squeak open and the kids all yell as many I love yous as they can I get in my car and back out of the driveway. I am so thankful that every time I leave my house I want to hurry home because of all the love that awaits me.    

   I am thankful for my love, who works so hard at all he does. He loves serving God, loves serving others and loves our family with all his might. When I got home last night at 1:30 in the morning he was waiting up for me, to make sure I got home safe and to hear all about my evening out. He loves me better then anyone else ever could. He has been my home, security and love for over a decade and I could not love him more. He blesses me with beautiful gifts, affection, devotion and faithfulness. I am thankful for the love he lavishes on me. So thankful that after waiting up so late for me last night, he would think to bring me a coffee this morning after taking the dog to the groomer. He loves me so generously and thoughtfully. My heart is overflowing with gratitude for how he shows me this love every single day in a million different ways. 

  I am grateful for my family! My Mom and Dad drove 13 hours to be with me this Christmas. A dad who makes the world's best crepes and precious time with 2 of my brothers. 


      I am thankful for grandma's house where she spoils us with homemade elephant ears, chocolate dipped peanut butter ritz crackers and lots of love. 

    I am thankful for girls night out with my mom, grandma and aunt Twila - my family made this Christmas unforgettable.

    I am thankful for my church, when I walk through those doors every week it feels like home. The Pastor's and their wives love and serve the Lord generously and faithfully. I am so thankful that the Lord has called us to serve along side such  an incredible, gifted, and devoted staff. David and I have truly grown under their guidance, leadership, teaching, time and examples. I love the friendships that we have cultivated through the years there serving shoulder to shoulder. I am thankful that my church is a place where I continually grow, serve, love and use the gifts God has given me to bless others. I love my church and all the hearts that beat in it, all the voices that sing out, all the hands that reach out and all the love that is poured out.

      

  I am thankful for my precious mentor Pattie Newsom. She is a godly, wise, kind, thoughtful and beautiful woman that loves me, loves my husband and loves and spoils my kids. She has given me love, support, accountability, affection, wisdom, time, coffee, prayers and has changed my life. I want to be like her when I grow up. I am so grateful that God has blessed me with someone a beautiful as her to look up to. 

      I am thankful for the precious young women that God has given me to mentor. I could not be prouder of the beauty, growth and dedication that I see in them. I am so thankful that I have a front row seat in the lives of these beautiful young women striving after God and living exceptional lives for His glory! 

     
   I am thankful for my friends, devoted, tried and true, faithful, fun and precious to me. We have walked through a lot together these last few years. I love them so much. I love to laugh, cry and live life with these beautiful women. I know that I am blessed to have friends like you and I am thankful! 


     


    I could go on and one, because I do truly have so much to be thankful for. God tells us to be thankful because He is good. He knows that a thankful heart is a beautiful thing. It points to the giver of life and every good and perfect gift comes from Him. A thankful heart shines brightly for His glory and can overcome any kind of day. May my life reflect praise and thanks back to the One who has been SO good to me.


"Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

 Psalm 116:7