The sun was bursting through the trees. This fall has been unusually bleak, extremely rainy and quite foggy. I find the wet haze beautiful in its own way, but the sun, and the warmth it brings as it spreads over the forrest is a welcome sight.
As I just sat there staring at all the trees, I could't help but notice that all the limbs reach up towards the heavens in a uniform way, they are all stretching out and up in beautiful and perfect unity. All but one. One awkward eyesore that stands out from all the rest. The longer I sat there staring at the forest, my focus continually returned to that ugly branch.
As much as I kind of hate to admit it, that is probably the best possible picture to describe how I have seen myself my entire existence. In every age and stage of life, I have been the awkward branch that sticks out, different from the rest. Constantly fearing that my differences, awkwardness and inability to fit into the picture were an eyesore, completely visible to everyone around me. It may not be how I am perceived by others but it is 100% how I have always perceived myself. As a result, I have continually longed for a place where I felt a sense of belonging and significance. My entire life I have been searching for a place that felt like home, where I was fully seen and not misunderstood.
In this last season I have been unpacking my own thoughts and perceptions of myself as well as the perceptions others have projected on me. I have realized how powerful and influential words have been in my life. The words I have spoken to myself have had great influence on how I respond to life, perceive myself and how I project myself to others. The words others have spoken over me have powerfully breathed life and truth into the core of my being, resounding with the Holy Spirit in my soul and given me freedom, life and great joy in my giftings and abilities. Other times I have allowed untrue and twisted words spoken over me to put me in a box, a prison cell, chained to a perception or belief that I was never meant to live in.
I have recently fallen in love with the story of Hagar in Genesis. Her story is not very common and often overlooked. She isn't even really a leading lady, but something about her is captivating to me. Hagar appears in Genesis 16 and 21. In both chapters Hagar is the outcast. She is the Egyptian slave that is forced to marry Abram and sleep with him in a desperate human attempt to fulfill God's promise to Abram (that he would be the father of a great nation, and have as many descendants as there are stars in the sky)... Sarai and Abram take matters into their own hands and timing as they age and remain childless. Hagar becomes pregnant with Abram's son. She is mistreated by Sarai, used and abused. In chapter 16 Hagar finds herself pregnant, resentful and bitter about it she runs away and God finds her in the desert. In chapter 21 she is sent away into the desert with her son, when her water runs out she lays her son under a bush and weeps as she waits for him to die and again God tenderly meets her in that place.
The Identity and perception spoken over Hagar is clear. Some of these things about her are facts, truth about her story and circumstance. However, they do not in any way define Hagar, they are part of her story, but they are not her identity. If anything, how she is described resounds with my heart and makes her relatable in many ways. The Identity spoken over Hagar in these two chapters is:
Foreigner, slave, property, used, disposable, mistreated,abused, a run away, rejected, worthless, abandoned,unwanted, despised and alone.
Perceptions can be spoken over us, and identities can can projected onto us, but who we really are, our true identity is not found in where we come from, our circumstance, or our jobs... our true identity is unwavering, it remains the same through all conditions. Take everything about your life away, and your identity is who you are in that moment. What remains about you. The essence of who you are, who you were created to be at the core of your being, that is your true identity. It takes great discernment to know the difference between our true selves, the identities that others project on us and the identities that we put on ourselves to project to others. What is most significant to me is not how Hagar is perceived, but how I can find myself in her story. I have been in the desert; misunderstood, misperceived, feeling worthless, not valued, unloved and completely alone. The most beautiful thing about this story is that in that place, in the desert, and the darkness - Hagar is found, seen, fully known and immeasurably loved. How we all long to be found, seen, fully known and unconditionally extravagantly loved.
Both times that the Lord meets Hagar he speaks tenderly to her. He asks her questions even though he already knows the answers; her voice is important, what she has to say has value and He wants her to know that she is heard. He also gives her hope, wisdom, instruction and a promise. He speaks life into her being, He rescues her, He provides for her needs and He interacts in a sweet way with her that brings her to a place where she feels seen, heard, known and loved. In return she worships The One Who Sees. This is the name she gives our King. The One Who Sees.
The first time God meets Hagar in the desert He rescues her FROM the desert, the second time He rescues her IN the desert. It is the same for us. God is faithful. When we find ourselves in the desert we can be confident of this truth. God is either going to rescue us from it, or rescue us in it. HE always provides. Our rescue, salvation and redemption may not look how we think it should or want it to, but if we find ourselves living out the rest of our lives in the desert we can be confident of this, God will open our eyes in it, He will provide everything we need. We won't just survive in that place, we will flourish and grow.
The world projected so much onto Hagar but what God spoke over her is what ultimately changed her whole world. He spoke worth, value and a deep love over her, not by what He said, by what He did and how He interacted with her. The beauty of God’s word is that these truths translate into our lives as well. You and I have found the One who Sees. The one who can look into our souls and see the true value, the worth, the identity that he spoke over each of us from the beginning of time. He sees all the truth of who we are and all the potential that we have. When we are covered in the truth of who we are in Christ, we can walk forward in freedom and confidence.
This last year a friend of mine prayed over me and told me that God had a special name He uses, something that He calls me. As I prayed over that, I felt like, how could that be? There is nothing significant about me that makes me different from anyone else. Why would God have anything special for me? I prayed over and over asking God what He calls me and would just come up blank. After weeks of studying Hagar and allowing the Lord to peel back layers of true and untrue things I have taken on and believed about myself over the years I asked Him once more, "God, what do you call me?" I opened my journal and couldn’t even write as quickly as the Lord was speaking over me….
I call you daughter
I call you beloved
I call you full of worth
Full of value,
Brave,
Beautiful,
Bright,
Full of my light,
I call you clothed in righteousness,
I call you hidden in Christ,
strong and courageous,
I call you gifted,
I call you saved,
Forgiven,
Redeemed,
Restored,
Renewed,
Full of my Spirit,
I call you by name,
I call you little lamb,
I call you treasure,
I call you loved,
I call you mine.
You are Significant.
