Hand in Hand

        Life in the Libby home is good. We are all settled into the farm, the view here is absolutely amazing, we are all in cozied up in a smaller space and absolutely loving more family time. There is truly no where else for the kids to go, we are always in each others space and 99% of the time it has proven to be a sweet blessing and grown us closer than ever before. Nothing says quality family time like Sunday prancing around the house wearing gift bows and singing "I've got boobies!" and endless episodes of Duck Dynasty. There is a lot of laughter in our little home. We are blessed, truly blessed and have so much to be thankful for.

     We know we are exactly where God wants us to be. It seems to be a pattern in our lives that when we are exactly where God has called us and are experiencing the goodness and richness of seeing His glory revealed in our lives, family and ministries, right alongside the highs would also come a slough of attacks from the one who doesn't want us to be in that surrendered and obedient posture and space. His attacks have come in all forms over the last three months; condemnation, guilt, anxiety, stress, doubt, sickness, heaviness.... every way you can imagine. This morning I could not stop laughing because truly He is going to all means to distract us and tear us away from God's calling and purpose in our lives. As a mother of four, a quiet, long, warm, sometimes even uninterrupted shower is a little piece of heaven. The last two times that I have gotten the kids off to school, Sunday settled and myself into the shower, mid shampoo the smoke detector has started screeching and bleeping at a horrendously ear piercing pitch. I swear that thing is the devil himself. I give it a minute in hopes that it will stop but then can't even handle the loud shrill noise echoing though our 900 sq feet. So with shampoo in my hair, and water dripping all about, I grab a towel, run into the girls room, bang on the thing to no avail, rush into the dinning room, grab a chair, lug it across the house in one hand, holding my towel up with the other, praying that my grandparents don't hear the commotion and come in to help... just as i get back to the girls room, and get up on the chair, ears ringing because of how obnoxiously loud this thing is, it miraculously stops. All on it's own, it stops. Twice this has happened to me, TWICE. I am telling you, the devil is using every means. It gives me hope that God is doing something great in me, because even my shower is fair game at this point. Lord have mercy!

        The unending stream of spiritual attacks came hand in hand  with David and I choosing obedience to the Lord  in a few radical life decisions. David working full time and back at school. Yay seminary. We have moved out of our charming and spacious home, in a lovely neighborhood close to our church and friends to 900 sq feet way out of town on a sweet little farm with my generous and loving grandparents. We are not exactly sure at this point why God has asked us to do this. We had lots of great reasons in the beginning of this adventure that led us to make this decision and now some of those reasons have seemed to dwindle, AND our house hasn't sold yet and our lives are busier than ever now trying to juggle everything.... the odds sometimes seem to be stacking up against us and more and more our decision makes no sense to the world... But, we are certain He has asked us to do this, so here we are, walking by faith, trusting in His goodness and believing that His ways are higher than ours.

        It is easy to walk by faith in the light when you can see clearly and have a plan... but what about the times when He calls you to take His hand as he leads you through the darkness of night with no plan, no control, no idea where He is leading you. How firm are your steps then? How great is your faith? How confident are you in His goodness and faithfulness? Isn't this when our faith counts the most, when it really matters? This is when our faith is proved genuine.

1 Peter 1:6-7 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 

          So this is it. It is in the darkness, suffering, uncertainty and fire that God grows our faith, refines us, purifies us and proves our faith genuine for His glory and honor! I don't think we are the only ones that see Him at work as we walk by faith, hanging on every Word of truth, completely dependent on Him to come through for us... the world is watching us too. And when we come out of our trials brighter and stronger than ever before His glory and goodness is revealed to the world. They get a glimpse of light that their hearts long for. And our faith is strengthened in the process as well.

         Here we are, the Libby's are in a good season, but a crucial season to our faith. I feel like what we believe to be true about God is being put to the test. We are following Jesus even though we don't know why he has brought us to this place. I know all the truth of His Word, I know He has proven himself to me time and time again, but now when faced with attack after attack in the dark, and things aren't quite going my way, my tendency is to doubt His goodness, to let go of His grip for a moment to shake my fist at Him and ask Him why....why are we here? We have obeyed, we have trusted, why are we still in the dark? Why haven't you come through for us yet? It doesn't seem fair that obedience would bring us to this place. Right?

         Nope. Not right. It makes sense to me that God would immediately bless our obedience by selling our house, providing for our medical bills, giving us clear direction and a plan.... but what God has grown in both David and I in this season of waiting on Him, is more valuable than instant gratification. He is building us up through the trials, making us stronger and equipping us for the future, whatever it may be. He is growing passions in our hearts and bringing people into our lives that we can encourage, love and speak truth to. He is using every single bit of this trial to bring glory to His name. And even though I wish he would lead us out into the light, what He is doing in us while we hold firmly to His hand, His Word and His promises while we wait, is precious, genuine and enriching the deepest parts of our souls - It is of greater worth than gold.


        Sometimes the richest, most fruitful and beautiful seasons of life and ministry come hand in hand with trials and darkness. The darkness makes the light even brighter. The trials make me all the more thankful for all the beauty and blessings that surround me. I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for the very life I have been given, the precious and priceless moments I get to share laughing with my husband, cuddling with my kids,  and dancing around the sweet little house we now call home. This was my view this morning as the sun came up. Just a small little reminder that Jesus brings light, life and hope to the deepest parts of our souls through the darkness. If He can bring any glory at all out of this season of my life I say, "AMEN, All of the glory belongs to You". We serve a God that reaches down into this broken world, holds our hands in the darkness and births beautiful faith that is eternal through our trials. He is GOOD, even in the darkness, He is GOOD and we always have something to be thankful for.

   

John 1:4-5 "In Him was life, and that life was the light of mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

         

Overwhelmed

                 It's Officially fall in Oregon. The rain that has nestled in and is making itself at home here for the next 9 months! Oh how I love the Pacific Northwest. There is nothing cozier than the rain drops racing down the window, comfy clothes, warm blankets, a good cup of coffee and a flickering candle. This my friends, is  exactly how I am welcoming the fall  into the Libby home today.  It's perfection.

        More than anything else, I am happily welcoming in some structure, a reliable schedule and the hope of being settled and completely moved into the farm house real soon... Truth be told, I have never been more glad for fall. I love the summer but this summer was overwhelming. I wish I could say that I have everything together. Maybe one day I will wake up and miraculously be a morning person. Even better, I wake up with ability anticipate what each person in my house needs before they even say the words or know it themselves. That would eliminate about a thousand questions that I repeatedly field all the live long day. Or, maybe more realistically, one day I will be the perfect manager of our home, budget and my time... but until that day, life  sometimes overwhelms me. I know that I am not alone in this, and I am certain that whatever God has called you to in this season, you can believe He has equipped you for every bit of it.  I need to believe it every. single. morning. when all six of the Libby's are lined up and fighting for mirror footage and sink access in our ONE bathroom now!  Lord have mercy! This life is a grand adventure.  And right now, the Libby's are making some memories as we adjust to a lot of new normals.  Truly, the joy of The Lord is my strength! I have to laugh about it all, or I would be straight up crazy. I am pretty sure that's why the Lord calls us to be joyful in all seasons. It's for sanity's sake!  So, that's what my life as come to... Laugh about it or be crazy.

        Putting all the crazy aside, hands down, my journey this summer has been one of trust.  I may be able to laugh at my life right now, but it's because I have walked through  a season of learning to let go and trust The Lord. Yes, I do have to learn this over and over in deeper and truer ways all the time. Isn't that how it goes? Our grasp on things gets a little looser every time we see that His ways are higher than our ways. He proves Himself over and over again. Living our lives open handed becomes a little easier the more we KNOW Him. I can laugh and find joy in all the madness because I have experienced God's unfailing love, steadfast goodness, faithfulness, complete provision and supernatural peace.

         Each of us are on a journey, we are in different places and overwhelmed by different things. This life we live on earth is not an easy one. Sometimes it's just down right hard and completely out of our control. But one thing remains. God is good and God is God in every single one of our lives. Our job is to KNOW God and His Word so that we can hold onto truth when life is overwhelming. These are some of my favorites. I hope and pray that they can encourage you too as we press on, claim His truths and hide His Word in our hearts.

- Anxiety and worry: 

Psalm 55:22 "Cast your cares upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." 

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

 - Alone and Discouraged

Deuteronomy 31:8 "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." 

Genesis 16:13a "She gave this name to the one who spoke to her: You are the God who sees me"

 -Sin and temptation

1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Hebrews 4:15 "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet he did not sin."

Psalm 65:3 "When we were overwhelmed by sins, you forgave our transgressions."

Psalm 86:5 "You, Lord,are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you."

Psalm 103:12 "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

- Weakness and inadequacy

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefor I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

- Brokeness

Psalm 147:3 "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wound."
         
- Trials

Isaiah 43:2-3a "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."


 Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I call unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Surrender

Psalm 40:1-5

I waited patiently for the Lord; 

he turned to me and heard my cry. 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, 

out of the mud and mire; 

he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

a hymn of praise to our God. 

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man

who makes the Lord his trust,

who does not look to the proud, 

to those who turn aside to false gods.

Many, O Lord my God 

are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us

no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of them,

they would be too many to declare.

This is my anthem. 

This is my story. 

        I have wasted many years. I have spent most of my life chasing empty dreams, striving endlessly to gain the approval and acceptance of others, and worked so hard to always do the right thing. I have been reading Restless by Jennie Allen and what I have come to realize, is that all I have been doing is building magnificent sand castles. Glorious, beautiful, detailed sand castles. The Holy Spirit lives in me and has been at work through me despite myself, and I pray that some of my efforts have truly brought Him glory throughout the years. But in general, what I see when I look back is me, constantly rebuilding sand castles. I have been sliding down a pit searching desperately for fulfillment, acceptance and the praise of others to nurture my deep insecurities and desires to be acceptable and loved by others. Most of what I have accomplished has been in vain. I know this because I have never, ever fully surrendered my life to the Lord and just let Him do whatever He wanted through me. I have held my plans and dreams with a tightly clenched fist. 

        I belong to Him, I desire to please Him and strive to obey Him. I have given most things to Him,  but most things isn't enough. He wants all of our trust. And who am I to withhold it? I have fought hard and worked hard my whole life to do things for His kingdom. I have always tried to do what was right, but missed the point. None of the hard work is going anywhere until I can place the things I hold the most dear to me in the palm of His hand and say, "Whatever your plan is for this, whether it be a painful walk or a glorious one, I trust your perfect plan for it." It's not until I can say the Lord alone is my trust, that I will surely have my feet planted firmly on a solid rock, instead of the ever moving, wavering, shifting sand. But oh, it is so hard for me to let go. I have trust issues. I have control issues. I have pride, and I believe that my way is best. I think the pain of letting go might be worse than actually suffocating the life out of the things my heart longs for.  

     When I came before the Lord and He clearly asked for my plans and my future, I once again prepared my argument, and was ready to state my case before Him. But as I cried out to Him, He opened my eyes and for the first time I saw things as they really were. My plans were good, even godly. Every bit of my being longed for them to be fulfilled. They had become more than the desire of my heart, my plans and desires had become idols. They had become even more important to me, to my identity and my future than God himself. Every fiber of my being waited, longed and depended on my plans to come through. My heart broke more everyday as I waited and waited and waited for God to move. I waited and pleaded for Him to say yes. Over time the plans that had been my passion and that had breathed life and purpose in me had become a barren dessert. Sucking every bit of life and joy out of me, it had become a massive burden that I could no longer bare the weight of.  God's desire is to be our one desire, anything else that takes His place, as good as it may be will only eventually drain us of life, peace, joy and hope.  I had to surrender, I had to let go. I was desperate for God to take this from me and somehow bring glory out of it all. Even though it was so painful to let go, my eyes had been opened, it was more painful to keep striving on my own. 

     It is far more painful to carry on living with the belief that I have control, while an all-loving, all-powerful, all-sovereign God walks alongside me stripping away the things my heart holds dear until all that is left for me to hold onto is Him. I need Him. For me to live at my full potential He needs to be my everything. He has control, even in this dark world, even when life doesn't make sense, He has control. I have none. None. For me to carry on living trying to make sense of everything, trying to push my plans through, trying to control everything is far too great a burden for me to bear. The weight of it was crushing me.  He longs to be my trust. He loves me, and it is best for Him to carry my burdens, to make my plans, to reveal His purpose for me in His time. He knows it is far less painful for me to let go now than to keep living a lie, believing that I have control over my life. The longer I live pretending that I have everything under control the longer I waste my life building sandcastles. 

       I will never be able to fulfill the plans He has for me, I will never know my true potential or purpose until I trust Him alone. Depend on Him alone. Seek Him alone. Desire to please Him alone. I don't know about you, but I want to live a life FULL of purpose. I don't want to waste any more days playing in the sand. I need a solid place to stand, to build, to praise and to declare the wonders that the Lord has done in my life. I want my life to mean something. To have some substance. I want people to see ALL that the Lord has done in my life, to see me singing His praises and desire to trust in Him to.

My Psalm 40

God Almighty

You hear my cry

You lift me out of the pit

You set my feet on a rock

You give me a firm place to stand

You give me a new song to sing and I will praise you

Because of Your work in my life people will trust you 

You alone are my trust and that is enough for me

You perform wonder after wonder in my life

You have so many plans for my life, too many for me to even declare.

All that I am is yours. 

I desire to do your will whatever it may be

May your righteousness be evident in my heart and life

I will speak of your faithfulness and salvation

I will share your love and your truth

Show me your mercy

Your love and your truth always protect me

You are my help and my deliverer; 

Rescue me from the life I so easily waste

God Almighty, do not delay. 

Breathe life, purpose and praise into me

All my life is yours

      

     

Longing to Belong

     "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of the darkness and into his wonderful light."  1 Peter 2:9

   As human beings we all have a desire within us to be known, accepted, understood and loved. We all deeply long to belong. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, what you do or what season of life you are in; we all desire to be found, chosen, esteemed and safely kept.
       
        My sweet little Lily has been feeling a little displaced lately. I get the sense she is trying to figure out where she fits in this crazy family of ours. For four years she enjoyed being the baby of the family. She knew exactly what her role was and absolutely loved it! When Sunday was born I saw Lily struggle; she clearly adored her baby sister with an immense and intense kind of love, but resented the fact that she was no longer the baby in the family. Lately, my sweet Lily girl has been very expressive about her little sister. Lily and I were laying out in the sunny backyard together, she gently put her hand on my arm and leaned in close to my face. She had a quirky smile on her lips and her eyes were all lit up in her joyfully teasing kind of way.  I leaned into her with anticipation and her raspy little voice asked me, "Mom, did you think I was going to be your last kid?" I paused for a moment and said "Well... yes, I guess I did." Lily jumped up, put her hand on her hip, cocked her head to the side and shot back, "Too bad your dream is OVER!!! You have Sunday now." She burst into laughter and pranced off the deck. This was just one of many recent comments. Over and over again I have chased her down, wrapped my arms around her and spoken truth into her life. I have reassured her of my deep love for her again and again and I will continue to do so forever. I belong to her and she belongs to me. And whether she likes it or not right now, Sunday belongs to us too!

            She belongs. Nothing will ever change that. There is nothing that Lily could ever do or say that would change the fact that she is my daughter; loved, precious, valued beyond words and made perfectly by God Almighty to be an irreplaceable part of our family. She may not always feel it, but that doesn't change the truth. Our love and acceptance of her, just the way God made her, is constant and unwavering. She is loved, adored and accepted. She belongs.

            I know how unsettling it can be to not know exactly where you fit. I have always longed to belong, to be known, to have a place where I am accepted and loved for who I am. I have spent most of my life seeking the approval of others. To the very core of my being I am a people pleaser. Pair that with immense insecurity and it's a recipe for brokenness, loneliness and unrealistic expectations. I still need to be reminded time and again that I belong to God. Everything that my heart and soul long for are met in His unchanging, unwavering and unconditional love. That is enough. We need to believe that is enough.

            I often look to others in search of my worth. I will never belong anywhere like I belong with Jesus. He has saved me, chased after me and wrapped His arms around me time and time again. He continually speaks truth to my wandering, doubting, weary, sinful and straying heart...

Rachel,
      I know you, everything about you. I know all your quirks, insecurities, flaws, failures and sins and I love you. You belong to me.

       I have chosen you.

       I love to lavish grace on you.

       I will always rescue you and free you from the chains of guilt, shame, sin and condemnation that you put on over and over again. Nothing you could ever do will separate you from my love.You belong to me.

        I am the God who sees. I see you.

        I am the God who hears. I hear you.

        I am safe. I am faithful. I will never give up on you. I will never let go of you.

        I died on the cross for you. That's how valuable you are to me. You are precious, loved and full of worth. I am all your heart longs for. Come and be found in me, it's where you belong. I am yours. You are mine.



         Everyone deeply longs to belong, but our hearts will never stop searching, never rest, never feel at home.... until we find our worth in Jesus. And when you find Him you will know, He is enough.

 "I belong to my beloved and his desire is for me." Song of Solomon 7:10



         

truly, deeply, madly

      As Valentines Day approaches, I can't help but laugh a little at the stark difference between the commercialized version of love and the one I have grown to know to be true. It's a little less pink, completely free of horrible waxy chocolates in a heart shaped box, and not at all as glamorous as glass slippers and a pumpkin carriage...a lot more flawed, quite vulnerable, and much more work....less like a Disney movie and a little more like climbing a mountain, a steep, rugged mountain. It may be the most wonderful adventure you get to be a part of in life, it has been for me, no doubt! However, it requires a deep trust and dependence in your spouse. The difficulty of the climb at times may expose your flaws and weaknesses but the intimacy gained, the heights reached, the sunsets seen along the trek and the victories shared along the way...PRICELESS! I have never had more love in my heart for my husband of 11 and a half years than I do now! When I think about real love, this is what I have grown to know as truth.

      TRUE LOVE...

1. Gives grace. It doesn't knit pick. Just like love covers a multitude of sins, a grace filled love covers a multitude of annoyances. Love extends grace especially when it is undeserved, that is what makes it especially beautiful and life giving!

2. Tells the truth even when it hurts. Love is honest. Truth- however hard, painful and torturous it may be to say out loud to your spouse, opens the door to the most intimate conversations and moments in marriage. Love trusts.

3. Is a safe place for truth to be told. No one is perfect. Choose to be the refuge for your spouse when they fail, sin and make mistakes. Love is willing to listen kindly, patiently and gently to the vulnerable and possibly hurtful truths. When a spouse hears us, forgives us and loves us with the full knowledge of our flaws, imperfections and sins that is the truest, sweetest kind of love. It's the kind of love that penetrates the most transparent and raw part of your being.

4. Is quick to forgive. Love doesn't let a person off the hook, conversations must be had, truth must be told, apologies must be said, and even if they are not said, we must be forgiving. Forgiving quickly prevents any bitterness or unnecessary anger from taking root in a persons heart and mind. A forgiving love is a selfless and brave kind of love that extends peace and can soften a hardened heart. Forgiveness is a choice. Not a feeling.

5. Is committed. David and I have never ever said the "D" word. Divorce is never threatened and never even on the table for discussions. We both agreed to that the first year of our marriage. We have had difficult seasons, but our commitment to each other through life, through trials, through thick and thin was a way of choosing and proving our love. Not just our love to each other but our love and devotion to the Lord. More than anything in life David and I are committed to loving and obeying God. We want to please Him and that just strengthens our commitment to each other. Love perseveres. Working through the difficult things has brought such a depth and richness to our marriage. Persevering has only strengthened our bond and our love.

6. Believes the best. No matter what is happening in the Libby home, even if David and I disagree about something, I know that he has my back, his intentions are good and he wants what is best for me. That opens up good, honest discussion, even when our opinions and ideas are different. I don't have to constantly defend myself or take up my cause. We are a team. It takes away all "me vs. him" and brings hope to every situation we face. Love always hopes. When love believes the best about my husband, he wants to be the best. And it's the same for me. When David gives me the benefit of the doubt, when he trusts that I have his back, when he believes the best in me, I desire to be the absolute best I can be for him.

7. Desires to know and understand all the intricacies of the one they love. True love never stops observing, learning and growing. Iron sharpens iron. The better you know your spouse, the better you know how to equip, respond, share and love in the most practical, understanding and romantic ways.

8. Laughs and doesn't take oneself too seriously. This was hard for me. I took myself far too serious for far too long. Laugh together as much as you can! When I laugh with David, even at my own expense it brings SO much joy to our marriage. Be adventurous, spontaneous, flexible and have fun together. Being married to your best friend is the best. EVER.

9. Is purposeful. Love seeks to bless, honor and lavish.

10.  Seeks the Lord's best for yourself and your spouse. This is the most important one! Pray together, read God's Word together and on your own. The more you know God and love God the richer your love for others becomes, and your family should be the greatest beneficiaries of this deep, unconditional, beautiful, bright, miraculous and supernatural kind of love.

Love conquers all.

David, I have never known love like this. Your love has enriched my life in every way. It has painted a beautiful picture for me of Jesus' love. I can understand His love in a deeper and truer way because of the things we have walked through in life together. You are the most amazing person I have ever known and I am blessed beyond words to be living this adventure with you. Thank you for lavishing your love on me every day, for the faithfulness, selflessness and grace you show me. Your love has changed my life forever and given me the freedom to be who God created me to be.
 I love you truly, deeply and madly. -Rachel