Identity

This morning as I pulled into our driveway I parked the car and looked out the window. 

The sun was bursting through the trees. This fall has been unusually bleak, extremely rainy and quite foggy. I find the wet haze beautiful in its own way, but the sun, and the warmth it brings as it spreads over the forrest is a welcome sight. 

As I just sat there staring at all the trees, I could't help but notice that all the limbs reach up towards the heavens in a uniform way, they are all stretching out and up in beautiful and perfect unity. All but one. One awkward eyesore that stands out from all the rest. The longer I sat there staring at the forest, my focus continually returned to that ugly branch. 

     As much as I kind of hate to admit it, that is probably the best possible picture to describe how I have seen myself my entire existence. In every age and stage of life, I have been the awkward branch that sticks out, different from the rest. Constantly fearing that my differences, awkwardness and inability to fit into the picture were an eyesore, completely visible to everyone around me. 

       It may not be how I am perceived by others but it is 100% how I have always perceived myself. As a result, I have continually longed for a place where I felt a sense of belonging and significance. My entire life I have been searching for a place that felt like home, where I was fully seen and not misunderstood.  

       In this last season I have been unpacking my own thoughts and perceptions of myself as well as the perceptions others have projected on me. I have realized how powerful and influential words have been in my life. The words I have spoken to myself have had great influence on how I respond to life, perceive myself and how I project myself to others. The words others have spoken over me have powerfully breathed life and truth into the core of my being, resounding with the Holy Spirit in my soul and given me freedom, life and great joy in my giftings and abilities. Other times I have allowed untrue and twisted words spoken over me to put me in a box, a prison cell, chained to a perception or belief that I was never meant to live in. 

I have recently fallen in love with the story of Hagar in Genesis. Her story is not very common and often overlooked. She isn't even really a leading lady, but something about her is captivating to me. Hagar appears in Genesis 16 and 21. In both chapters Hagar is the outcast. She is the Egyptian slave that is forced to marry Abram and sleep with him in a desperate human attempt to fulfill God's promise to Abram (that he would be the father of a great nation, and have as many descendants as there are stars in the sky)... Sarai and Abram take matters into their own hands and timing as they age and remain childless. Hagar becomes pregnant with Abram's son. She is mistreated by Sarai, used and abused. In chapter 16 Hagar finds herself pregnant, resentful and bitter about it she runs away and God finds her in the desert. In chapter 21 she is sent away into the desert with her son, when her water runs out she lays her son under a bush and weeps as she waits for him to die and again God tenderly meets her in that place.

The Identity and perception spoken over Hagar is clear. Some of these things about her are facts, truth about her story and circumstance. However, they do not in any way define Hagar, they are part of her story, but they are not her identity. If anything, how she is described resounds with my heart and makes her relatable in many ways. The Identity spoken over Hagar in these two chapters is:

Foreigner, slave, property, used, disposable, mistreated,abused, a run away, rejected, worthless, abandoned,unwanted, despised and alone.

       Perceptions can be spoken over us, and identities can can projected onto us, but who we really are, our true identity is not found in where we come from, our circumstance, or our jobs... our true identity is unwavering, it remains the same through all conditions. Take everything about your life away, and your identity is who you are in that moment. What remains about you. The essence of who you are, who you were created to be at the core of your being, that is your true identity. It takes great discernment to know the difference between our true selves, the identities that others project on us and the identities that we put on ourselves  to project to others. What is most significant to me is not how Hagar is perceived, but how I can find myself in her story. I have been in the desert; misunderstood, misperceived, feeling worthless, not valued, unloved and completely alone. The most beautiful thing about this story is that in that place, in the desert, and the darkness - Hagar is found, seen, fully known and immeasurably loved. How we all long to be found, seen, fully known and unconditionally extravagantly loved.

        Both times that the Lord meets Hagar he speaks tenderly to her. He asks her questions even though he already knows the answers; her voice is important, what she has to say has value and He wants her to know that she is heard. He also gives her hope, wisdom, instruction and a promise. He speaks life into her being, He rescues her, He provides for her needs and He interacts in a sweet way with her that brings her to a place where she feels seen, heard, known and loved. In return she worships The One Who Sees. This is the name she gives our King. The One Who Sees. 

The first time God meets Hagar in the desert He rescues her FROM the desert, the second time He rescues her IN the desert. It is the same for us. God is faithful. When we find ourselves in the desert we can be confident of this truth. God is either going to rescue us from it, or rescue us in it. HE always provides. Our rescue, salvation and redemption may not look how we think it should or want it to, but if we find ourselves living out the rest of our lives in the desert we can be confident of this, God will open our eyes in it, He will provide everything we need. We won't just survive in that place, we will flourish and grow.

The world projected so much onto Hagar but what God spoke over her is what ultimately changed her whole world. He spoke worth, value and a deep love over her, not by what He said, by what He did and how He interacted with her. The beauty of God’s word is that these truths translate into our lives as well. You and I have found the One who Sees. The one who can look into our souls and see the true value, the worth, the identity that he spoke over each of us from the beginning of time. He sees all the truth of who we are and all the potential that we have. When we are covered in the truth of who we are in Christ, we can walk forward in freedom and confidence.

This last year a friend of mine prayed over me and told me that God had a special name He uses, something that He calls me. As I prayed over that, I felt like, how could that be? There is nothing significant about me that makes me different from anyone else. Why would God have anything special for me? I prayed over and over asking God what He calls me and would just come up blank. After weeks of studying Hagar and allowing the Lord to peel back layers of true and untrue things I have taken on and believed about myself over the years I asked Him once more, "God, what do you call me?" I opened my journal and couldn’t even write as quickly as the Lord was speaking over me….

I call you daughter

I call you beloved

I call you full of worth

Full of value,

Brave,

Beautiful,

Bright,

Full of my light,

I call you clothed in righteousness,

I call you hidden in Christ,

strong and courageous,

I call you gifted,

I call you saved,

Forgiven,

Redeemed,

Restored,

Renewed,

Full of my Spirit,

I call you by name,

I call you little lamb,

I call you treasure,

I call you loved,

I call you mine.

You are Significant.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

"I love the Lord for He heard my voice, He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live. The chords of death entailed me, the anguish of the grave came over me, I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord, 'Lord Save me!' The Lord is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, Lord have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:1-9

     As some of you know, while my family was on the mission field in Brazil, my sister Sarah was diagnosed with leukemia. She fought hard for two years, but with no bone marrow match found for her, she relapsed and stepped into glory many years ago. I was 11 when she stepped into the presence of Jesus.

      My parents moved about every two years. In the constant upheaval Sarah and I always had each other. I have sweet memories of her perfectly wavy, long, blonde hair streaming behind her as she swung next me on our rickety metal swing set in Southern Oregon. Her bright smile made her eyes sparkle. In the summer freckles appeared on the bridge of her nose and her tanned skin made her blue eyes even brighter. She was truly kind, thoughtful and lovely. I was quite mischievous, a little spicy and adventurous; we evened each other out in the best sort of way.

          When she stepped into glory, no one even had to tell me. I was staying with my grandparents at our house in Washington, while my parents were across the border closer to the Vancouver Children's Hospital. I had seen my sister that afternoon, sat next to her bed - we talked, laughed and sat quietly together while we watched all the fish in her tank swim about. We truly had the best last moments together, which is a gift I hold tight to. I remember that everything in me fought against leaving her side that day.

       Even before my grandma came upstairs to my room to tell me that evening, I knew. My soul felt the loss of her presence on earth. My heart was in so much turmoil that when my grandma knocked on my door I begged her to not say the words out loud. I could not bear to hear it. Somehow, hearing the words spoken out loud took her farther away from me.

     One's heart is not equipped to manage that kind of pain. I did not know how to properly say goodbye. I didn't want to. Fear welled up inside me that if I said goodbye Sarah would really be gone forever. I fought against it.

I fought against God.

     That following year I was angry at God, and bitterly angry at myself. What rolled around my mind on repeat was not all the best memories shared with Sarah, but all my regrets. All the times I teased her, laughter at her, was mean to her... all of those memories crowded my mind, grieved my heart, and filled me with unbearable, torturous guilt. I could not forgive myself and could not seek an unjust, unloving God for healing either. My little 11 year old heart did not know how to handle all the emotions tumbling out of it. I pushed everyone out and put up lots of walls; I became an untouchable fortress. If I couldn't feel anything anymore - I wouldn't hurt any more. I shut myself in and carried the burden alone.

       God, in His goodness has a beautiful way of touching hard and broken hearts. He has a way of showing Himself to us even when we don't want to see Him. He is not afraid of our feelings. He is not put-off by our hurt and anger. Our doubt does not destroy Him or make Him turn away. He has an almighty way of healing the brokenhearted. He can touch even the hardest of hearts. He sees the root of our anger, fear, and hurt. He sees it all, and He stoops down with grace and compassion to heal us.  A year after we lost my sister, I was alone in my room and I just knew I couldn't carry on living in the protection of my walls isolated and overwhelmed with anger.  I wrestled with Him, I yelled at Him, I told Him I hated Him for not saving my sister....

All I had to do was look towards His face and begin a conversation with Him and His great love for me came pouring in.

     There is evil in this world, great suffering, and injustice all around us. It has been here since humans rejected God's perfect way, choosing to make themselves the kings of their own hearts in the garden long ago. All the ugliness in the world does not mean that God is not real, or good, or sovereign. We are living in a world broken and shattered by sin. That was not God's perfect plan. He will one day bring complete restoration and perfect wholeness to this place again. Until that day,  He can be lovingly, faithfully, powerfully found taking the broken pieces of our lives and putting them back together in a way that only a good God would. He redeems one moment, one story, one life at a time.

     This part of the story never gets old for me. God is always working to redeem the brokeness. When Jesus came to into the world to die for my sins it was the beginning of a new hope. When Jesus came - everything changed. There is still evil in the world, but there is hope, life and power far greater than all the suffering and all the ugly. The darkness of this world makes His light even brighter. I saw it as an 11 year old, when His love rushed in and captured my heart. I had a choice to either let Him heal my deep wounds, restore my soul, and walk along side me in the suffering and brokeness... Or I could continue to grow inward, alone, angry, and despairing without hope, with my eyes only focused on all the darkness surrounding me. I wanted victory. I wanted healing and I wanted to be one of the people who could walk into the darkness with the power of Jesus and bring His light and love and hope, joy and comfort into suffering, into the broken, into the pain. It's an everyday choice - focus on all the suffering and injustice in the world OR focus on Jesus, the Almighty God who faithfully walks through all the darkness with us into healing, hope, a deep satisfaction and love only found in Him.

      In that moment, as I laid on my bed and turned my face toward God, and poured out my heart, anger, fear, and all the feelings, I knew that walking with Him in my life was going to be infinitely better than living without Him. That was the beginning of me letting God invade my life and letting him be King of my heart. He took His place my heart and my life changed forever. His love washed over me, He comforted my broken heart, He healed some of my deepest wounds and He breathed new life into my hard heart.

      Over time the loss of my sister has become less painful but not less significant. God in His own beautiful way has given me sweet every day reminders of Sarah in the face of my daughter Lily, the sparkle in her blue eyes and her long wavy blonde hair. The most healing thing for me has been the gift of my girls. Watching them grow up together as sisters and friends has helped me let go of my guilt and remember the sweet memories of my childhood...  Sarah eating watermelon on the porch, playing in the back yard, and swinging from the top bunk into her bed to talk late at night. I won't ever understand why God let everything unfold as it did, but I do know that God was present through it all and is accomplishing beautiful things in my life despite the darkness.

     It's not about asking, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It's about looking around and being thankful that we never have to suffer alone - thankful for the light, thankful for strength to endure, thankful for comfort, thankful for the hope, thankful that there is victory. The real question is, "Where would I be without Him in this dark world?"

The truth is, I never want to know.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

      With all the craziness that is happening all over the world now: war, terrorist attacks, corruption, the uncertainty in politics... even the darkness that touches the everyday lives of people I love through sickness, cancer, joblessness, divorce, betrayal, hurt, broken relationships, depression, anxiety, and fear... it's a season where I find myself pulling people I love a little closer, saying "I love you's" when I feel it in my heart to be said, and loving people freely and deeply with the love of Jesus. The love and light of Jesus is the only thing that can bring hope, comfort, and peace to the world. His love is a miraculous thing, it is a powerful thing - It can transform, saturate, heal, comfort, and restore you wherever you are. Just turn your face towards Him.  Open up the lines of communication. He can handle everything you have to say, He already knows it. A life transformed by His love is freedom. Step out of your fear, anger and isolation.

Let Him transform you. 
Then watch His love transform the world around you in a beautifully miraculous way.


"May the Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
 








   

Unfailing perfect LOVE

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

 I have been doing a lot of processing these days.

       I am an internal processor, so I tediously think over the things crowding my mind about a thousand times before I am ready to verbally process. Then, I word vomit all my processed thoughts to whoever is sitting in my living room or standing in my kitchen at just the right moment... for this moment God provided my beautiful sister Connie. He is good like that. He always knows just what we need and exactly who we need at just the right moment. He has provided me with an amazingly gracious sister that has in a way grown up with me in our adult lives. She loves me deeply, knows me inside and out, and believes in me. For a very predestined moment last week she kindly sat on the couch across from me, listened intently and carefully, and then filled my heart and home with wise words, godly encouragement, affirmation and precious, timely, council.

        Isn't that just a glimpse into what we all need in the deepest core of our beings? We all long to be known, heard, and loved in an unfailing way. No matter who we are, how we process, what roads we've walked, or where we have landed. There is nothing our hearts long for more than unfailing love.

       For many different seasons of my life I love looked to fill this longing in my heart in many different capacities; with my family growing up, friends, boyfriends, mentors, my husband, my children.... I am well aware of the gaping hole in my soul that longs to be loved in an unfailing, unchanging, relentless, all encompassing, all understanding, all knowing, completely unconditional  kind of way. We were created, woven together and intricately formed as unique and beautiful individuals with one main purpose, to love and be loved.

        It seems as though things are in a state of constant change in my life. In every season I need to revisit this very foundational concept and realign my expectations and priorities in a way that is most beneficial for my heart, the people I love, and the kingdom. It's a crucial concept, that I must cling to and embrace to be all that God created me to be in each season. I was made to crave, desire, and hunger for unfailing love. We were all created to wholeheartedly long for the unfailing love of our Creator. His love is the only perfect love. We were made to be loved by Him.

"No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first" 
- Oswald Chambers

      All sorts of things go wrong when I try and put the expectations of being loved in a perfect and unfailing way on anyone other than the One who formed my inner most being. He knows me fully, and longs to be the first I run to, the first I seek, my first love, and the desire of my heart. Every one of my longings is met in His love. All He desires is that I receive His love and love Him back with all I am. The most beautiful part is that even though my love for Him is flawed, broken, and imperfect, it is PRECIOUS to Him, treasured by the One who does love in the post pure and perfect way. The absolute only way for our souls to find complete satisfaction, wholeness, unfailing, unconditional love is to daily seek and embrace Jesus.

       My other tendency is to put it upon myself to love others perfectly. As much as l pour out, spread myself thin, and kill myself trying to be everything everyone needs in this moment...I will fall short, let myself down and let others down. I can not be everything to all the people in my life in every season. The best and most powerful thing that God has taught me, and sometimes reteaches me, is to wake up every morning and pray these things...

- God, help me to love whoever You put right in front of my face today with YOUR love. 
- Let me not seek out more than You have for me, I whole heartedly trust that You will care for and love the people I cannot today at a greater and more powerful capacity than I ever could. I entrust them to you.
- Holy Spirit, guide me. Help me not miss any opportunity You put in front of me, give me Your wisdom, discernment and love.
- Fill me with the miraculous love of Jesus today. 

     As we seek Him to be the sole desire of our hearts, and allow Him to love us the way we were made to be loved, our satisfied hearts pour over with love for others. A deep, rich, intentional, beautiful kind of love that He uses to miraculously change the lives of others. His love changed my life, and I know that when I extend it to others it changes them. It's not me. The best way that I can love others is by being fully satisfied in Him and then allowing that love to change me, fill me, and pour out.

"All a persons ways seem right to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:2-3

         As I said before, I have been doing a lot of processing. I have been looking at my life, evaluating what I've accomplished, making plans and goals for the future, searching my heart, my motives, and longing to make the most of my life. It all seems so complicated, but the truth is simple. I don't want to have any regrets about how I spend my days. I can over think it, over plan, stress and strive and let all the expectations of what I want to achieve crush me. The best life I can live, the most effective and life changing thing I can teach my children, the truest way I can love the bride, the most impactful way for me to love the every person in my little world... is to keep things simple. Love God, love others... and trust that if I am seeking the Lord He will take me on the fulfilling journey planned out just for me, my needs, my desires, my hopes, my dreams. He knows me better than I know myself, my greatest desire is to align myself with His plans. I have never regretted a single day spent loving the Him and loving others. It may sound over simplified, but it is profoundly powerful to spend your life loving the people God brings to it. Nothing has been more effective in my life than when the Lord poured out His love on me through my time with Him or through a beautiful person in my life. Every interaction we have is an opportunity to love. There is no greater way to live your life than to point people to its truest and most perfect source.

"As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love... I have told you this so that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay one's life for one's friends." John 15:9,11-13





   

H O P E

The longing or desire for something accompanied by the belief in the possibility of its occurrence.

Today is a day that I just really needed some hope.

Just because,
somedays we need to have a little confidence and trust
that the things we long for are possible.



     I used to despise hiking. My parents used to take me on a heck of hard hikes in the blazing heat when we lived in Portugal and let me tell you something... when you are a 14 year old girl, who loves to be socializing with her friends, tanning at the beach, playing volleyball and putting on makeup/painting your nails, NO view is worth spending your entire day trekking up a mountain under the scorching sun.

     Now, however, I have a very full life and really amazing, adventurous and noisy, needy children... and a hike is always a good idea! We live five minutes away from one of the most beautiful places I have ever hiked. It has become my favorite place in the world. I go there to gather my thoughts, to pray, and to process. My grandma gave me a book last year and it just so happened to be about the first settlers in Corvallis who came across the Oregon trail from the east to claim land and start new lives. I completely fell in love with this place before I even got here! When doing a little historical digging of my own, I learned that the property we bought and the place that I hike are the original homesteads and settlements of the amazing families I read about. As I walk through the forrest, cross over bubbling little soap creek, and look up at the giant trees on my adventures, I absolutely love that I am not the first or last person to walk those trails. I am just one of many. I am a part of something that is greater than myself. Those massive trees have been there long before I came into this world and will outlive me as well. My life seems small, in a good way, when I am in the forrest.
I get lost in that beautiful place.

     Now that winter has passed, all along the trail little tiny shoots of new life are springing up out of the ground. It amazes me how such towering and magnificent things grow from of such tiny, delicate, little beginnings. When the first bit of fragile green gently pokes up from the earth, that is hope to me.   I admire it in the forest, but hope looks even more beautiful when it springs up through the rocky ground of our hearts.

     The most beautiful thing about hope is that the condition of our heart does not have to be perfect for it to grow. Sometimes hope appears in the darkest, hardest places of our hearts. One beam of God's light can shine through the darkness onto the rough ground and that is all it takes for us to begin to see a little bit of hope peak up from the soil. Hope is not circumstantial, it is not a fleeting glimmer of something false or temporary, it is something we can count on. "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf." Hebrews 6:19-20a

I love that.

     WITH JESUS, we have hope NO MATTER WHAT. Hope is an anchor for our soul. That means that no matter how high the waves, how fierce the storm, how strong the current; hope keeps us from being tossed all about, hope holds us fast, keeps us from drifting; with hope we are immovable. With that kind of hope we are not brought down by our current circumstances or situations, no matter what comes our way, we can look to the future and believe that the things we dream of, aspire to be and long for are possible. Hope is a beautiful thing it gives us something beautiful, beyond ourselves to live for.

That's what I needed to remember today.

My hope is in the Lord and I am just where I belong;
Anchored to Him.
   

The Exchange

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." 1 John 4:18a

This is kind of a sweet time of celebration for the Libby family. We have been officially a part of Doxology for over a year now and it has been one of the sweetest journeys the Lord has taken our family on. Every single day we are thankful for where He has brought us and what He is doing in our lives, in our home and in our beloved church family here in Corvallis. It truly feels like home in the most comforting, all encompassing and deeply beautiful sense of the word. For me to feel at home like this after moving 28ish times in my life is nothing short of a miracle, but here I am... at home. My heart is full in this lovely place as I look around daily and see with my own eyes just a glimpse of what the Lord is so faithfully and powerfully doing around me and in the depths of my own heart. 

When we moved to Corvallis God provided for us in miraculous ways. Opening doors that only He could have opened and leading us into His plan for our lives one step at a time. One of the miracles that He provided was our home, here in the woods, in a place of divine and glorious peace. When we bought this home we knew that it was God's home. We didn't know exactly how He would use it, but we bought it with open hands and hearts and an excitable willingness to be a part of whatever plans He had for it. It's been amazing to see how He has filled our home. Every day in this home is a new adventure. 

At this moment we have the privilege of living with some of our dearest friends, who have also partnered in ministry and life with us in Corvallis and we have a full full full full home. Living life with these amazing individuals has made this season of my life one of the sweetest. It has also been a safe and beautiful place for God to dig up some roots in my heart and begin to plant a new crop, one that is already yielding His fruit. Nothing holds up a mirror to your heart quite like living in community with others. It has given me an opportunity to see my heart in a truer way and I am so thankful. It's a beautiful kind of accountability. Being the ugliest version of myself in hard moments isn't the best option. God is using this time to transform my heart and to create new patterns and new responses to life and the messiness of it. Which I am forever grateful for, He is doing a new work in me. 

One of the areas that He has faithfully been transforming is my fear.

Fear for my family

Fear of provision

Fear of failure

Fear of loneliness

Fear of not being loved in return

Fear of not being enough

Fear of not being accepted

Fear of not being known and valued.

Fear has planted lots of little roots in my heart. 

Over the last 6 years God has been slowly exposing and uprooting those fears. 

They are hard for me to see sometimes because I tend to hide them behind walls, burry them deep, and sometimes I even just treat the fruit that comes from my fears like pride, insecurity, anxiety, sadness... instead of doing the work required to pull the plant up roots and all. 

What God is teaching me is this:

When fears in my heart are exposed it is an opportunity to grow my faith and gain freedom. 

It's an exchange. Fear for freedom. But it takes me believing that what God has for me is greater than what I am clinging to. It takes faith for me to believe that He can change me, that His process is better than the one I've been using my whole life. Just because something is your natural response to life and maybe has been your whole life, does not mean it's the right or best one. It's time to change the pattern. 

Start a new one. 

Instead of filtering things through your fears, filter them through the victories you've won through the transforming power of the Spirit and the ground you've gained one step at a time. As we lay new soil in our hearts, He plants new seeds and the fruit in our lives looks less like insecurity, pride, fear... and looks a lot more like grace, hope, love, kindness, mercy, confidence and joy. 

We can change our thought patterns. It looks a little like this for me...

Instead of living in fear wondering if I am accepted by others, I am going to choose to basque in the freedom that comes from knowing full well and  believing whole heartedly that I am accepted fully by God through Jesus. That is my truth. When I pluck out the root of fear of acceptance and allow the Lord to plant the fully accepted seed in my heart, it will start to grow, flourish and bear fruit for the kingdom that blesses and ministers to others. 

It frees me from constantly looking inward and equips me and fills me to bless outwardly.

Perfect love; which is the pure and powerful and beautiful love of God, drives out fear. 

Slowly, one root at a time, God is overcoming my fears... every single one, with His extravagant, lavish love. His faithfulness in filling my heart and soul with His healing, restoration and new life, new fruit and immeasurable love gives me confidence to pull up the next fear and trust Him more. It's a process, and it's taking time. But I can see that God is doing a good thing, I am starting to see the fruit of my labor and I would never want to go back to the person I was before Him. This new life, new creation, new love and sweet freedom that He grows in me as I keep digging, is worth the pain of uprooting the old. The exchange is worth it for me. 

Kingdom Come

In this season God is doing a mighty and powerful thing. 

Not just in me, but everywhere I look, all around me. 

He is moving. 

The more I seek Him, the more I see that God is doing something beyond what I can even comprehend. 

"God, your kingdom come." 

It's a simple prayer, but one that is transforming my life, transforming every aspect of it. As I have sought the Lord, He has brought me to a place of surrender. 

Surrendering my pride

Surrendering my walls and privacy

Surrendering my inadequacies

Surrendering my time, my schedule

Surrendering my expectations

Surrendering my home

Surrendering my family

Surrendering my life

The more I surrender, the more God is entrusting to me and the more I find myself prayerfully saying YES. Yes to crazy things. Yes to sacrificial things. Yes to brokeness. Yes to people. Yes to working. Yes to ministry. Yes to stepping out of my comfort zone. Yes to more prayer. Yes to His Word. Yes to grieving with those who mourn. Yes to standing with the weak. Yes to speaking truth. Yes to unconditional love. Yes to undeserved grace. Yes to mercy. Yes. It is a season of yes for me. 

 This is a season of not missing a single opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Believing that what He calls me to, He is faithful to equip me for. Believing that His power is great, His plans are great, His purposes are perfect. Believing that His kingdom come is the best prayer that I can possibly pray... on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.

 I have seen Jesus working in me and through His people in the most miraculous ways. The most inspiring thing is that I'm not the only person saying yes. I am privileged in this season to be living life with other people who say yes everyday too. They say yes to the opportunities God brings them to love miraculously. They make the most of every opportunity to be His hands and His feet. Seeing their faith, their love, their sacrifices and them saying yes as well, has ministered to me in such a powerful way and encouraged me in an inexpressible way. I am treasuring up these moments where I see the people I love be a tangible extension of King Jesus. We are united in one purpose, to see Jesus transform, renew, restore and reign in this place. Jesus in His people is miraculous.  

Jesus is beautiful.

Jesus forgives the unforgivable. 

Jesus loves beyond human capacity. 

Jesus shows grace to people who haven't even asked for it. 

Jesus embraces the broken. 

Jesus shows mercy to people who don't deserve it. 

Jesus is not intimidated, afraid or put off by the messiness of sin. 

Jesus heals.

Jesus restores.

Jesus brings hope.

Jesus brings life.

Jesus Saves. 

It is a miracle that we have any capacity at all to display who He is to the world. However, when He lives in us the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives in us! We can love, forgive, extend grace, hope, comfort and peace at a capacity beyond ourselves. A heavenly capacity. When we say yes to the eternal, yes the opportunities in our lives that give God all the glory, yes to the moments that shine light in the darkness, bring hope to the hopeless, love to the unlovely, peace to the chaos, and comfort to the grieving, healing to the broken... that is what it's all about. 

His Kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.