My Lily of the valley

        This morning David and I were woken up by a a tiny, raspy voice "You guys want some company?" Lils smiled in her cheeky little way and jumped onto our bed. I am not a morning person in any way, shape or form, but couldn't help but laugh! Lily amazes me every day with her wit. She didn't get it from me , so I admire it greatly! She always has these hilarious little one liners and then follows them up with some thoughtful, very loving remark and a hug. Every single night when I tuck her in I am SO thankful for every day I have had with her. She is our little miracle. She is one very big reason that I will never doubt God's existence or presence in our lives.
       Many of you already know her story because I have told it a million times, but I will keep telling it a million more times, it's a big part of our life! It's a chapter in our lives that I will always return to as a reminder of God's power and sovereignty in our every day lives and circumstances. I have a daily reminder of how much He loves us and how great He is!
     David and I were serving in Plymouth England at the time. Our experiences there changed our lives forever and prepared us for the life God has called us to better then anything else ever could have! Lily's birth was one of those times. It changed my life, grew my faith and deepened my relationship with God in an instant. There were severe complications while I was in labor w Lily-Aunna. I was given the wrong medication and a huge overdose of it. It stopped my labor completely. The Dr. came in to tell me of the horrific mistake. He told David and I that the medicine was already in Lily's bloodstream and that she may not even be alive by the time I gave birth. He also told us that I would most likely have complete kidney failure because of the overdose. We were in such shock, it took me a minute to soak it all in! I asked for everyone to leave the room for a moment. I needed a minute w the Lord, just He and I. In that moment something incredible happened. Despite all the chaos, the uncertainty, the deep sadness of the situation I felt this quiet strength, a peace that whatever was to come, was the Lord's will and I was completely ok with the outcome whatever it may be. I knew I was not alone. And I chose faith instead of fear.
       It was only a matter of minutes and everyone was back in the room, Dr's for me, Dr's for Lily and you could see the tension on everyone's faces and feel the gravity and seriousness of it all. I remember the first moment I saw Lily and held her in my arms. She was alive and SO healthy and strong. God knew she needed to be, He made her strong for all that she would have to endure the first two weeks of her life! David and I named her Lily because we wanted a daily reminder of the life that God had provided for her....just as God provides for all things, even clothing the lilies of the valley Matt 6:25-30, he provided a little life for us and we never wanted to forget the miracle!
    After many blood tests and examinations both Lily and I were able to go home. We were only home a couple of days and Lily spiked a fever in the middle of the night. David and I took her back into the hospital only to enter an entirely different battle for our baby's life. The Doctor's couldn't get her fever to go down, not even a little. They had taken so much blood from her that she was black and blue all over and by that evening she only had one usable vain left on her body.  All we could do was wait.
     Lily and I were checked in and for five days we endured more tests, spinal taps, more blood... all to no avail. They could not find anything wrong with her, but still could not get her fever down. At this point they told me that a newborn w a fever this high would most likely die and if she survived she would have severe brain damage. It was the longest 5 days of my entire life. Waiting, waiting and waiting....I prayed with out ceasing for my little girl. I read God's word through the night and meditated on it in the day. It kept me strong beyond what I was emotionally and physically capable of.  I read Psalm 16 and 17 over and over again and the words of Psalm 17:6-8 were my prayer "I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."
   On the 6th morning i woke up at 5 am.  The Dr. had taken one last round of blood the night before and was waiting for the cultures to come back. He said it would be two more days before we would know the results and this was the last possible thing we could test her for. I cried out to the Lord, "God, you know what I can bear, another day not knowing what's going on, unable to do anything to help my daughter...is beyond what i can handle." God did know, and God provided an answer that day actually. Lily was diagnosed w Meningitis. I was filled with such mixed emotions, so glad to finally know, but also felt like we were fighting an uphill battle. The Dr. informed us that there was fluid on Lily's brain. She could have severe brain damage, blindness, deafness....the list went on....then we were informed that it could come back   any time in the first two years of her life, if she ever got a fever we would have to take her back into the hospital.
     We stayed at the hospital until they were able to bring her fever down. I remember finally being able to go home. David came to get us, it was almost like a dream. I remember the weight of it all, having to keep such a close eye, also not knowing how greatly she had been effected by everything...hoping and praying that God would do another miracle and heal her little body completely and fully.
     We moved back to Oregon when Lily was 5 weeks old. She underwent a million more exams when we got here. And I feel as though I held my breath for the first two years of her life. Hoping, praying, trusting...repeat....Finally her 2nd birthday arrived and this enormous burden lifted, i felt like I could breathe again and just enjoy her, whatever may come...and just SO thankful that she was in the clear.

      I can tell you that she is a true miracle, every Doctor that has met her and read her medical history can attest to it! God saved her twice and He also did heal her body fully and completely. She is smart, funny, healthy and a reminder every single day that God is alive, at work in our lives...and not just that...He cares so deeply for us all, He hears our prayers, each cry for help and He gives us all we could ever need for each and every battle we face in this life. Do we live like we believe it? ....Because how we live out what we know to be true about God, is what's going to make a difference in this world for eternity.

Perfect love casts out fear

    I won't even pretend to have my life all together. Although, I must admit, I do try. But this life is so unpredictable, from moment to moment sometimes in the Libby home. The kids can all be playing peacefully one second and the next second I am in the middle of world war Libby and all sanity is gone. I get overwhelmed by the amount on my plate, I love to be involved in ALL that my husband does in ministry, it's my favorite thing to come along side him and have a front row seat in all he gets to do for the Lord! Then the privilege of seeing God work in mighty ways in the lives around us is precious and powerful, I love to see God at work and I love for my kids to see it too! As much as I love to be so involved I have had to pray and discern where the Lord wants me. In this season my primary job and ministry is to my family. I have been called in the deepest way to support and encourage my husband in all he does and to nurture, teach and grow all the little beings in my home. I LOVE it and it is a true honor! But it also has its moments... there are days that I am on the verge of crazy! 
      Keeping up with the cleaning, cooking and all the drama around here can take it's toll on a girl! But what really breaks my hearts and can cause great anxiety and fear to seize me is when my children are touched by this world. I do all I can to protect and shield them from it, but unfortunately it's impossible to do forever...we live here on this earth, right in the middle of it, sin is all around us. What the Lord has greatly impressed on me and my roll as a mother is that it's not my job to shield and protect them from everything, I do my best and then He, in His great sovereignty, covers over all, and truly watches over them like I never could. He is with them every second that I am not and even when they sin or are introduced to it, He is there. He never lets them out of His sight or hold! The beauty in that is that I can loosen up my grip, take deep breath and do my best to train them up and teach them wisdom, discernment, obedience and how to be lights in this world. That becomes my primary goal, to teach them how to live in this world, how to be the influence, and how to be a light in the darkness. As much as I wish that I could walk through every day of life holding their hands, counseling them, guiding them, protecting them....truth is my job is to love them, teach them and help them grow into solid, secure, wise, independent God loving and fearing beings that can successfully maneuver through this world and make a difference for eternity!
      But what do we do as mothers when we see our children hurt, broken and influenced by this world? We cry out to God, we pray, we teach our children to pray, we memorize scripture to help us in our fear, anxiety and distress, we help our children memorize scripture so that they too can call out to God and start forming their own relationship with Him.....and we TRUST that God sees, God hears and God is doing something in the middle of it all that is going to make us and our children look more like Jesus! Praise God! Even our pain and trials are used by God, nothing is left untouched by Him and everything is used for His glory when we TRUST Him through it all. 

Psalm 107:13-14 

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; 

He saved them from their distress. 

He brought them out of darkness and gloom and broke their chains apart."

     What a comfort and sweet promise to us in our pain! God, our Father hears us and sees us in our troubles! He saves us from the things that distress us and He faithfully brings us out of those dark seasons.... when we emerge from it there is a deep unexplained joy, a maturity and growth. Our faces our brighter, our loads are lighter and we look more like Jesus. As I fell asleep last night this verse rolled around in my mind, over and over again... the first part blessed me and gave me such joy... and i kept coming to a halt on the word chains. I am sure the darkness and the chains come hand in hand! God does deliver us, but we need to come to Him, ask Him to free us from the things that bind us and follow in obedience too! Sometimes easier said then done. There was a season in my life where I was completely bound by fear, it governed my thoughts, my emotions and my parenting! The Lord was gracious to me. He brought this verse and song to my mind on repeat! 1 John 4:10a "perfect love casts out fear". I can honestly say that even though there are moments where I am still fearful for my children I am not bound by it. He has freed me from it....it came down to how much do I truly trust God and what His word says? I believe it, so I need to live like it! He knows what binds us and HE is the deliverer!! He breaks our chains and equips us to be all HE desires us to be for His kingdom and for our every day lives! This is true for us and for each of our kids!!! He will be all they ever need! I can rest in that and enjoy all the ups and downs I am privileged to live with them and in the end may all us Libby's look more and more like Jesus through whatever this life brings. 

Dedicated with love to my sweet grandma Nightingale who has graciously and lovingly imparted much wisdom and advice from her own life experiences with a large family in ministry. I love you SO much and am forever grateful for your wisdom and love.

This is US and how I LOVE it!

Couldn't ask for a more amazing man.

 I am SO thankful for my family. I am certainly blessed!

Elijah, Hope, Lily-Aunna and Sunday

The BIG picture

The main reason that I have decided to start all this is because I feel as though I spend so much of my time just barely hanging on. All of the sudden life seems to be going by at such a rapid pace, I don't want all the moments that matter in this life to pass by and be forgotten.

So here I am.

David and I have been married 10 years, we have had so many adventures together and are living our biggest one right now! Full time ministry and parenting! We have four children that grow every time I blink and it has become easy for me to forget the big picture. They already have grown so much, they are growing right now as they sleep and will continue to grow. Sometimes I forget that they won't always be cuddled up next to me, wrapped around my legs, peeking over my shoulder, waking me up in the morning with their sweet little sleepy eyes and morning grins, making messes, fighting, needing me, needing me, did I say needing me? This season, as crazy and wild as it may be is only for a moment, and it's ours to spend however we chose. I want to have big picture perspective every day, soak up all the joys and trials that every minute has to offer. Not just soaking up this time with my family and life as we know it, but continually remembering God's BIG picture. My life is but a moment in the scheme of things and i want to do what I can to make it count. So this is me, a devoted wife and mother of four... this is what the Lord is teaching me as His child, in marriage, as a mother and in ministry! May my life bring Him fame.