Sweet Victory

    I feel the spirit of God sometimes say to me: "I understand that you're not very happy about this, that you're scared to death, that you may be crying over this. Cry, shake, whatever, but do My will Child. I have victory for you." - Beth Moore

    I don't know about you, but when I read the statement above it rang through my whole body! There are a couple things in my life that I am continually falling on my face before the Lord over. Primarily because I am truly afraid. The sick in the pit of your stomach, can't sleep at night, can't even rest until I cover it with prayer, give it to the Lord kind of fear.

    I am not normally a fearful kind of person, but now as a mama raising four little ones, it seems like all my fear nerves have been exposed. What frightens me is all that is out of my control. Life some times seem so far out of my control...in. every. way. Maybe the realization of this just means I am growing up, a little less naive and perhaps a little more aware of reality.... Whatever it may be, I feel much more vulnerable to life and how it's all unfolding.

     We experience trials of so many kinds, every day. Some big, some small, most out of our control. Through our trials we learn and grow, it makes us, or can breaks us.... it binds us closer to the ones in our lives that mean the most as we face life together. This is all true, but not what made the biggest impression on me today. I am glad that I am growing, changing, and that God is doing a good work through it all....but I needed to be reminded that through the whole process, regardless of life's circumstance I need to stop, take a breath, and ask the Lord "What is your will for me in this? Where do you want me to be and what do you want me to do?" AND day in day out strive to DO my Father's will.  The growth is hard, but obedience and surrender to God's will is what will bring us victory.

      Sometimes I feel like I need permission to not be strong, to let my guard down or to not be put together. It's hard for me to even admit to myself that life is out of my control. I have learned to follow David's suit in Psalms and just lay it all out before the Lord.... to just cry and for a moment and admit that I am afraid. I was always afraid that being vulnerable like that would somehow open the floodgates of emotions...and heaven forbid I ugly cry....but truth be told, there is nothing wrong with a good cry every now and again. I have found a sweet fellowship and freedom in being able to lay everything out before the Lord. He knows it all anyways, but sharing my heart in my own words and thoughts has deepened our relationship. I love that the Lord accepts and loves our humanity. We can go through all the motions, He doesn't mind, He made us, our emotions don't catch Him by surprise. What HE loves, is when we turn our faces upwards through it all and strive to do His will despite it all. That's when we find victory.

  Psalm 145:18-19 "The Lord is near all who call out to Him, all who call out to Him with integrity. He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him; He hears their cry for help and saves them."

   Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."