I am not alone

    My weakness made Perfect in His Strength
2 Corinthians 12:9
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

     As I sit here, still in my pajamas, uggs and an oversized ugly sweatshirt, I have no deodorant on, no make up on and my hair is standing up in a few places; evidence of how horribly I slept last night... I am surrounded by puking children and a disheveled home.... Lord help anyone who sees me in this state... ha ha you will never be able to unsee what you have seen!  I have a confession to make... Over the past few weeks I have been a little down. It's not a common place for me to go, but when I do go there, I become very isolated and turn all my thoughts inward to process on my own... It's a funny thing, when I need the support of my family and friends the most, my tendency is to isolate myself completely. Over the years, when the troubles of this world have clouded my sight of the Lord's workings in my life, I have learned that being isolated and pulling back is exactly where Satan wants me....away from everything and everyone that points me to who God is in my life, in that moment, in my circumstance... and yet I still go there. It's my default place for a few reasons, first of them being I don't love drama. I never want to be that girl that always has drama going on. Secondly, I hate inconveniencing people, no one needs to hear about all my burdens, that's just no fun for them! Thirdly, pride I guess. God forbid I NOT have everything together in my life!

        Maybe I am the only fool that becomes a hermit when I get overwhelmed or down. But, what I know is this, when I isolate myself regardless of how big or little the burden is, turning inward keeps me from looking upward. Life's circumstances become my focus. Just a few examples from my last 3 weeks.... My mom has been in the hospital, and is still there, 14 hours away from me. I am feeling helpless and very useless from this far away! David's car has broken down three times in three weeks! I kid you not! And even though we are Dave Ramseying it up in the Libby home, the paycheck that the Lord has blessed us with IS our month to month... AND we praise GOD for that He is always so faithful to meet our needs!!! But when the car breaks three times....that is daunting.....then our oven goes on the frits, then our fridge and today our dishwasher.... LORD help us! Thankfully, the Lord has honest to goodness revived some of our appliances and at the moment they are just making very loud noises and shutting off at their own convenience, which has been interesting...but we are truly being sustained by the Lord alone in this season. I am not saying these things to complain at all, I am anticipating the Lord showing His glory in it all... just waiting to see how He is going to do it! He has never left us or failed to provide for our needs.

         Between family, finances, my crazy schedule, lots of ministry and our four children... I am learning once again how much I need the Lord to sustain my daily living. But, actually remembering to turn my eyes upwards when I feel the weight of all the burdens is difficult for me sometimes. And when I pull back from everyone, I can feel very alone in it all.... and begin thinking things like this... "Am I the only sleep deprived mother with an imperfect home, full of endless dish washing, laundry doing, house cleaning and child refereeing?  Are we the only people who despite our best efforts and dedication in being wise with our finances are never able to get ahead because something always happens, and we are back in square one, completely relying on the Lord for provision again? Am I the only one that can barely keep up with all that is on my plate right now with out going absolutely insane?" I may feel like NO ONE knows or understands what I am walking through right now... but then I open my Bible Study for the week and God in His almighty wisdom and goodness as ALWAYS has something just for me. He had this to say through Priscilla Shirer's Gideon study..."We all know how it feels to be...Scared. Outnumbered. Intimidated. Exhausted." And remarkably, just that simple small little reminder is all I needed to burrow out of my hibernation. People may not live through the exact same circumstance that I do, but they all have their own circumstances that have made them feel the same way. I am not alone.

     As I read that list I kind of had to laugh to myself... Everyday I can have moments where I am scared or worried for my kids, scared of failing and worried about how we are going to make ends meet. Everyday I am out numbered 4 to one, three days a week 6 to one (just in kids alone)! I often feel intimidated because of my own inadequacies. I am surrounded by gifted, talented, stylish, beautiful people with amazing personalities...that alone can be intimidating.  Lately, I am not sleeping much and doing way too much, which makes me absolutely, extremely, beyond words exhausted. So, in this season I qualify for all those weaknesses. Which can be overwhelming if my gaze is not intently focused on my Almighty GOD, my Sustainer, Provider, Father, and Friend! And this I know to be perfectly true, His strength, glory, power and might can shine brightly in my life and in my circumstance because of my inadequacy, Praise God. That's all I want my life to be anyway... a testimony of ALL God's glory and goodness. In a way, my shortcomings are making me useful for His kingdom, and right now, I have a lot of weakness for Him to work with! ;) The same is true for you. Where you lack God Almighty rises to shine. Embracing that truth is what is going to make the difference in you and I. We can either feel isolated and limited by our weakness, or we can be hopeful, confident and full of faith in what the Lord can do despite our lack and circumstance. He is just good like that. My weakness + God = miraculous living. Living life with my greatest strengths in my own ability but without God = I am left lacking. It doesn't even compare to the richness and fullness of my inadequacy with His Power.

     In saying all of that, if you too have been burrying your head in the sand for a season, hiding out away form others or putting up walls to keep others out... you are not where the Lord wants you to be. You and I were made for greater things. And in isolating yourself you are putting a great big target on your back! Get your Bible out, get involved in a study, reach out to a friend.... We were meant to walk this road together, not alone in hibernation. God has a great plan for you, for me and even for our weakness. Just wait and see what kind of miracles He has in store for you! He may change your circumstance, He may not...but He will use your life for His kingdom and glory. Shinning is so much more fun than hiding.

Isaiah 40:29 

"The Lord gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak."

Psalm 29:11

 "The Lord gives strength to His people and blesses them with peace."