Trials

   This has been a hard year for me. I won't lie. We have faced many trials, of all sorts this year. Praise God there have been moments of relief and victory in it all, but it's been a lot. Just this weekend alone, we have had a few catastrophes. You would think we came out of a battlefield - a broken finger, a black and blue forehead, a wounded spirit, sleepless nights and our house alone looks as though something exploded and left disaster everywhere. Funny, because I just cleaned it yesterday, but it only takes a couple minutes for all my hard work to be in vain! Last night at three in the morning as I comforted Sunday and tried to get her back to sleep, in my half asleep, exhausted state I cried out the the Lord " Why is my life feeling so Jobish. We have had So many trials this year, been attacked on every single front! You know how much I can bear and one more sleepless night is too much. You are God, don't you know that?!" And then, I suddenly realized who I was talking to and I braced myself for a bolt of lighting to strike me. No joke. This all went through my mind in the wee hours of the night. Thank heavens the great I AM, the Lord Almighty, the Sovereign ruler of this world, my life and everything that has ever been and ever will be is also perfectly gracious to me in all my imperfect humanity!

    The interesting thing about this late night conversation with God, is that right before I fell asleep I had the best time with Him. Despite all we have faced, He has faithfully given us everything we have needed to walk through each day despite ourselves. That is praiseworthy! He gave me strength when I had none, held my hand as I walked through complete brokenness, held me as I cried and never tired of hearing me ask repeatedly for wisdom He just faithfully gave it to me, over and over again. That too is praiseworthy. I began this trial completely unprepared, unequipt and emotionally unable to cope with seeing the effects of a fallen and dark world touching the lives of people I loved dearly! It's a weighty and earth shattering reality that I don't often acknowledge in my sheltered little life. But there is a war raging all around us. We can either choose to be aware of it and equip ourselves for victory in it through Christ, or we will become aware of it when we are blindsided. Satan doesn't just drag us down subtly through things like materialism, complacency and compromises. He studies us, he knows our weaknesses and he goes for the jugular, in for the kill. It may sound melodramatic, but it's true. Christians not acknowledging the war waging for souls on this earth and living like it's not big deal, it just one of the ways he tries to get the upper hand.

     What I can tell you this this. We are going to face many trials, especially if we are living as lights! But through it all, we must keep our eyes on Him, we must always remember that He has overcome! He promises us forgiveness of sins, protection, provision of ALL we need for life and godliness - it's true, it's in His Word. We have everything we need to face the trials in this life, we just need to learn how to use all He has given us to fight the good fight. It takes discipline, training, armor and a direct line of communication with our Heavenly Father. This month I am going to be posting about the things I have learned this year. Mainly because I never want to forget what the Lord has taught me about putting on His armor and turning to Him, trusting His Words and His truth to get through the storms of life. They will always come, some greater than others, but I am am different person now in the middle of them because of who God is and how He has grown me. I want to be ready for what comes, equipt for what is hurled at me and I want to bring Him glory in how I respond to the darkness in this world.

   As our family is faced with yet another bump in the road. I am thankful, because I can see how much I have grown, how different I am and how good the Lord has been to me through it all. I found these words so comforting and so encouraging last night -  Psalm 5:11-12 "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; You surround them with your favor as with a shield." Even though I was tempted in my sleep deprivation and exhaustion last night to doubt God's goodness - I couldn't. In the end I fell asleep thanking the Lord for continually supplying for all my needs. I can do that now, not because of my greatness and maturity -  far from it. I can praise Him through it all because through my weakness I have become well aware of ALL THAT HE IS and how much I need His goodness in this Dark world.